If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
