you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
