I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
