i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
