We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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