His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
