She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
