what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
