grandma shit on top of the toilet
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
