I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
