i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
