I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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