Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
