all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
