I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
