I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
