My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
