ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
this hospital has no fireball
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm getting married
To pizza
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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