I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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