i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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