so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
