But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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