I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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