in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
