It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
