His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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