There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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