my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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