margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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