You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
