New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
