I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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