Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
