Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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