Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
