We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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