She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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