remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
