Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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