And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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