dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
