So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
