he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
