trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
