not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Drake has all the answers
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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