I smell stomach acid.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
