I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
