so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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