saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
