Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
