problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
