Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
