I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
