They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
